Friday, August 8, 2008
today is a big. opening of Olympic and her engagement day. i guessed it would be today. i should be happy for her, but somehow i feel sad. honestly speaking, i wanted so much to see her settle down soon and i know i must let go no matter what. but i didnt know it would be that fast, that soon. and now we cant even talk like friends..i guess the saddest part is not being to attend to her wedding, its like if i cant attend to any of the hippers wedding..did too much wrongs in the past which brought me to what it is now. stupid ideas and acting so irrational..cant stand myself too..
i long know it wont be possible anyway, struggle with myself and finally made my decision to stay away. but its tough..its like an addiction. i dont know what to do anymore..but i know whatever the case, she must be happy and i hope i could control myself so that she can be happy...hmm, hard to express...very hard to understand..i just hope perhaps we could be friends again.
life is at my lowest peak now, no love, no health, no wealth...first the one i like is married, body is breaking down, i can feel it...now, even my company is undergoing retrenchment..then my studies, dont even know i chose the right course not...i just hope someone will come and enlighten me...God is fair, cos he sent me 27 and 30...but i really have no feelings for them...even the tiny weeny bit....i tried going out with them, but really no special chemistry...ahh...dont know how to continue walking my life...too much sufferings and pain...im such a loser...
hipper c
